Amazed

I was listening to some Christmas music while cleaning up the kitchen today and it hit me how much I've changed in just four short years.

Four years ago: I was in Finland as an exchange student, I was incredibly homesick for familiar things and people from the US. I wanted to go back there like no body's business. Of course Christmas was a bit of a challenge for me emotionally because I was very used to having a huge family gatherings to go to. Here I was able to celebrate with Jani (my now husband) but it was strange to just be two people for Christmas.

That year was the first year I was in charge of making Christmas meal by myself. I made a ham, about 200 meatballs, plenty of mashed potatoes and the traditional "lanttulatikko, and "porkkanalatikko" which translate to rutabaga and carrot casserole respectively.  I learned that rutabaga's are acceptable in this format and this format only. We ate loads and exchanged gifts but I still felt a bit lonely. It was stressful and lots of pressure to be sure, but everything turned out just great.


Today: This will be my fourth Christmas with Jani, we've been married now for three of them. We have our own tree and traditions. I no longer feel the homesickness that I felt during that first Christmas together. I am again preparing to make a ham, meatballs (less than 100), boiled potatoes (which I've since learned are more traditional on a Finnish Christmas table), and again lanttulatikko and porkkanalatikko will grace our table. We're not focused on gifts this year but rather are just going to spend the time enjoying ourselves and the time with each other since we spent so much on gifts last year. This year is about family.

With the sadness that happened in our family recently with the loss of Jani's father I feel the need to make this Christmas a happy time. This goes especially for Jani's mom who has indeed expressed a wish to not celebrate this year because she feels like she'll be too sad without her husband there by her side. After all she had over 40 Christmas's with him. I can't imagine the pain and the sadness she must feel but I feel this overwhelming feeling that this is where I belong and I should do everything in my power to make this Christmas special even though we will be one family member short.

This is even more amazing to me because I have not had any pangs of longing for the large family gatherings happening at this time of year in the US among the various branches of my family there. I find myself more determined than ever to focus on the beautiful, wonderful, loving, amazing, family I've found myself a welcome part of here in Finland.

I feel truly amazed what four years and a lot of love from a new family can do to change a girl. I sure am lucky! =)